Saturday, June 21, 2014

Gandalf the Red: Would an AK-47 have Helped in The Lord of The Rings


I saw this photo and I was compelled to make a meme out of it. My question to you is this: How would this have altered the story line? I mean we are of course assuming that as a wizard Gandalf could generate am unlimited source of ammunition and magazines for himself. Also, it seems to me that orcs are just as mortal as humans so 7.62x39mm probably does a number on them. Perhaps it would be even more effective because, at least in the movies, they tend to disintegrate pretty easily at the edge of a sword. Although, it could be entirely the opposite, the high-velocity rounds could pass through doing little damage. They are little fuckers after all. Now Uruk-hai, on the other hand, most certainly are beefier and would provide adequate mass for terminal ballistics.

The real question is, would the weapon have helped with the Balrog? I'm going to say hell no. That thing is like a napalm-drenched dragon crossed with a train, crossed with Arnold Schwarzenegger (from the terminator days). Did I mention it can fly too. That all said, the fact that Gandalf took that that thing with a sword, a staff, and a healthy dose of badass magic shows one of two things. Either the Balrog is a pussy or Mr. Grey is far beyond the assistance of an AK-47.

Fast forward a bit to the battle of Pelennor Fields. How about there? Gandalf, now the White (significantly more powerful), is stuck within the city of Minas Tirith. Street to street fighting with hordes of Uruk-hai? Yeah, he probably could have used one of those. He even had a little bitch-boy to load mags for him. From one hand he could be lobbing staff derived plasma, and spew Soviet hellfire from the other. #CombatMultiplier. Wrap your brain around this one boys and girls: a magically augmented AK-47. Gasp...

What is to keep him from magically reproducing them for the whole army? Gasp again...
So it really isn't a huge stretch-they already have a basic grasp on the use of projectile weapons. But I am sure the elves would go all Obi-Wan Kenobi on it, call it uncivilized, and stick with the bow skill they have been perfecting for thousands of years.

For that matter, once seen on the battlefield what is keeping the forces of darkness from replicating it? I mean, I built one in my basement and small African children can keep them running. I am sure an evil army with a few wizards of their own and the manufacturing capabilities of Isengard could pull it off. Gasp X3...

Your thoughts?

1 comment:

  1. That's just awesome ....I gotta say it's always good to have an AK

    ReplyDelete